Purest of Pain
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak
couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender
just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said
I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else
is standing there beside you
but there's something baby
that you need to know
that deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Baby, give me back my fantasy
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
Living without you
my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt
when you walked away
but to tell you the truth
I can't find my way
and deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
It was all too painful. There were not rightful answers. It was meant to be a torture. No-one ever said it was joy. I agreed. It was understood - but understanding did not help dissolve the agony. It was in a deplorable state worthy of condemnation. But who had the right to disapprove?
It all fell into place. Those sleepless nights of anguish and days of horror. It all came together. What was the point of keeping those eyes shut when the mind ran wild like a predator out to kill its prey, so wild and violent that peace did not exist. Was there no rights for serenity of the mind? Was it necessary to jerk out of stillness only to the silent screams? Who could tell...
That was not all. Crashing, it all came crashing down. Dreams, hopes, wishes. They all came crashing. Never place your bets before you're sure. Who, who can be always sure? Never trust if it hurts. Who, who can tell when one will get aggrieved? Did it really matter?
Who held the fault in hand? Was it not the unwillingness to speak? Was it not the darkest, deepest secrets that tore the mask? Did it not shatter the heart that seemed solidified to the world? Who was there to trust? Who could stand without hurting another? Did it matter how much effort was made? Who could finally say the truth? What is the truth, then? Who is to blame? Do we really have the rights to speak our hearts? Can we really say what we wished to, without fearing the consequences? Are we really free from evil? What hurts most? Was it not all the effects of stupidity? Does it last that long?
Do I still have a right to say? Nothing. Nowhere. And I listen in dolor, hiding those pathetic vexation. Who was I to say? That was misery. But this is not self-pity. There is no one to blame! Maybe it was wrong from the start. There shouldn't have existed any types of trust. I held my tongue. The fury built up. But I held my tongue. I knew I could never catch up. I was never as good. Or maybe, it was the way my mind worked. Persepective of life. Beliefs. Or maybe, simply cuz there is no longer anything to believe in. What do hopes mean, when they are meant to be shattered? It is amusing. Smiling. Smiling at..the patheticity. The hopelessness. The failure. Irritability strangled me. There was no longer any point to know. What was the point of trying so hard only to know what you will never meet the mark? That the expectations are never met? That..you sat at rock bottom staring up wishing you had voiced out your opinions earlier. That it all ended in depression.
We do what is right, not what we like. I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't have the conscience. I wish I could climb. But who cares what is wished? Nothing ever comes true..What is it, what is it that is lacking, that is missing, that is so crucial but is absent? What? How does it matter anymore?
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you. Ky I hate you.
-Broken dreams-
