Purest of Pain
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak
couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender
just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said
I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else
is standing there beside you
but there's something baby
that you need to know
that deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Baby, give me back my fantasy
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
Living without you
my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt
when you walked away
but to tell you the truth
I can't find my way
and deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
This must be the ultimatum. I saw it. Dejavu. I knew it yesterday, I would be thrown into disappointment. But I didn't know it would be this much - In less than a month, I have been put into disappointment thrice. Or maybe more. I snigger at myself - my stupidity to trust the wrong people time and again.
1. I thought there was finally some change for the better, obviously I was wrong. People are still as competitive as ever. They don't bother helping. Are they truly helpful? I was wondering, it's sec4, we are all heading the same way - there is no more competition. Why are people still so selfish? Why can't we just help each other and move on to the next stage of our lives TOGETHER? We can't..cuz someone out there wishes to be above the rest. I hate these bootlickers. These hypocrites. They pretend that they love you and will do anything to help you. DAMN. They don't. And their servile behaviour to certain people makes me sick. Attempts to act cute. Goodness sake. I mentioned it somewhere else: it no longer matters what you know; it only matters WHO you know". Is that not true?
You don't have to be good. You just have to know the right people and attract the right stuff - you get the opportunities. And of course, always remember to act cute. AND, act nice.
2. I trusted with all my time and changed my life for this. Yet it came to show my imbecility. Insincerity hurts most, when you've been drowned in it unnoticingly, for more than a year. When you finally find out that all those crap that you were told were deceitful, you don't blame the culprit. You blame yourself - for being the fool who trusted that pack of lies. When you start saying the same stuff to everyone, even if you don't mean it when you say it, you are insincere. And it hurts most when someone trusted so much in you. DAMN. Go on, stay that way. I pretend that I don't see it nowadays. But I KNOW it. Go on, stay that way..I don't care anymore.
3. WOW. I am a FOOL. I thought this was a gift from heaven at the right time. I worried for this yesterday. I tried to believe that things would be good some day. I am SO DAMN wrong. I shouldn't have cared the least, wasted my time last night searching. I mentioned earlier - some things are temporary. I don't take back my words, some people have a right to be more particular than others. Some people ARE that good, they have the rights to arrogance. But when you're that good, and i start admiring you for your strengths, when I expect so much from you, and you show me that you like apple-polishers, TO HELL WITH YOU. Just make sure that I don't meet you in hell. Cuz if I do, I wish I'll go further down. Hell is so much like hell with people like these. You made the bloody choice. YOU MADE IT THAT WAY! If you were fair, if you did not like brown-nosers, if you took into consideration the true abilities, you would have DAMN made a more justified decision. It's all a mistake I tell you. You let me give up on you. You let me see that the best people never come into my life. When I thought it was all a gift from heaven. And all goes back to hating (1.), who caused this damn shit. But it's in you to accept this lap-dog. I hate you for this. Trust me. I have learnt.
To be obsequious to authorities is the ONLY road to success.
I have learnt. The more you try, the worse you do. The more you believe, the deeper the disappointment. I have learnt. Within a day I hear problems that drive me crazy. Early in the morning one. Just before school ends, another. wtf. i can't put these into nicer words. DAMN.
Resolution: Learn to stoop lower and be a suck-up, and pretend to love the whole world.
-Broken dreams-
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
THANK YOU LIST AT www.fateland.blogspot.com. CLICK TO SEE! =)
Don't. Stress is inevitable, but life is fragile. Don't take it too hard on yourself. I wish I knew earlier. Maybe I wouldn't be so distressed now. Maybe I won't have to think so hard for something that's not worthy of consideration. Mistakes do occur. My biggest mistake was not noticing sooner.
Wish I could find out more. Wish I knew more. Get well soon, don't stress yourself over things that can wait. Sigh. If only, if only..maybe I will land in disappointment again. I did, a little..I already have. Sometimes you don't have to do much. Every "little" thing to you, may mean alot to another person. If someone takes the time to talk to you, no matter how busy, please answer. PLEASE answer. Say a word or two, say "sure". Even an "OK" is beautiful. Remember that..say it before it's too late.
I get turned off when more people swarm over the same thing. Then I get disappointed. Maybe with myself. Maybe with the thing. Then I let go. I nod in agreement, but I no longer care. Forget it. Don't ever worry over things that are not worth the appreciation. What's past, is past. DAMN.
PT was telling me..sometimes we tell ppl things a little too late. Sometimes..we don't even have a chance to tell people the things we wanted to. How true. If you're reading this, think of how many people you've ignored in a day, even when they tried to be friendly and chat with you. Remember. It hurts whoever takes the effort.
I wish I made the right choice. I wish I will not fall into disappointment again this time. I wish this matter will not disappointment..*someone up there..watch over me pls..*
I am often rendered speechless before people I like..and there are only 2 people who cause me to lose my speech spontaneously. Ha. I like people who are really good. In a way..they are the same kinda ppl. They're particular, but so good that they have the right to be damn picky on what they consider "good" etc. I like people with nice eyes and good dress sense. And I admit. I am bias. I am exceptionally nice to people whom I think are pretty. That means, it's not a unanimous thing, just what I think.. Eg. in anyway - nice shoes, nice eyes, nice features, nice voice..muaha! -->Send me to hell..<--
-Broken dreams-
