Purest of Pain
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak
couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender
just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said
I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else
is standing there beside you
but there's something baby
that you need to know
that deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Baby, give me back my fantasy
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
Living without you
my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt
when you walked away
but to tell you the truth
I can't find my way
and deep inside me
I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
it's all that I'm asking
Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
I never thought I would miss the sch. It's 430am already. The last day of school has passed. I am out of the schand supposedly ready for O's. I could never imagine myself as a Sec4..to think I stepped in in Sec1 with tons of complaints..saying how glad I would be to get out..yet now I'm not. Things have taken a change..i'm surprised too..
You have changed me loads. You have made me totally different from who I was. From one day to the next, I have lost everything. Why does fate like to kid with me? I said I will never keep in touch unless something happens on Fri. I guess it did. I'm resigned to fate. Suddenly I'll be leaving. I can no longer look out for you, I can no longer be the guardian angel u claimed I was. I felt like crying each time I thought of how we met, how I watched u from afar, how I ensured u were safe each time it rained or something happened, how I wished I could by your side forever. But I noticed that you have changed..though into the type of people I don't like, I don't deny that I still care. Too much. I guess life would be hard, when I finally stop looking out for you yet hiding from you. And if you ever wondered, yes I still like you very much. And I have not forgotten the request..but I shall never ask for it ever again. I really hope someone will take care of you now, cuz you don't. Someone to chase you to sleep, someone to stay up with you from afar, someone to hear you out, someone whom you could confide in, someone who could ensure happiness for you..and maybe you will not think the person was being cheeky or funny..I shall hence let go finally.
Whatever made you decide on what you did? What is left if you decided to do that? I cannot even imagine the days without you; what more is there to look forward to? Did I tell you I just found out who the luckiest woman on earth is? The one who got to hug you..just there! I'm so in love with that scene I don't believe myself. What luck..I cannot tell what made me think of you the way I did, why you said what you said when I gave it to you, but I had to tell you that you were just so pretty and I couldn't help getting something for you. It doesn't matter what happens, I will just try really hard..It was foolish of me to hold on to abstractions, but I believe if that's the best it can be, I will. What will happen when I no longer sense you from a corridor away? What will happen when my nose no longer captures what it wishes to? What will happen? Time has been too short..I wish I knew you earlier. I wish I had the chance to tell you what I haven't said. Some kinda fate. I wish I would meet you more often..sighh..and I still miss you like crazy.
How could it be? I stepped into Sec1 saying I hated you to the core, yet now I'm saying I miss you to the core? That I will never accept the fact that I don't see you every morning, that I won't be walking in to say hi to you, won't be able to hear your views on several stuff, about how busy you are? How do you think that'll be? I can't imagine..it has become such a habit, I look out to see if it has repeated at all..but you don't. What I like best about you is how efficient you are, how capable and clever..Suddenly I wish I had tried harder. I will..for you, I will try. Anything you say. I hate to see you stressed and tired..but what can I do to help, except to stop telling you stuff? I will miss every little time we've shared, every picture we've taken..that I will think of you now and then..or very often. How I can feel so sad when I walked out of the door today, I could not tell. I was near tears..I knew I missed you already..you probably thought it was a joke when I replied, but no, it is true. I am already missing you..now you've made me drop another tear..why of all people, YOU?! I really miss how we rush for time these 2 years, just to make sure we don't upset you..sigh! I think I'm stuck..
time to sleep. Tired. all good things must come to an end..maybe these will too. But I will keep them with me in my memories..forever.
-Broken dreams-
